And that save nearly drowns me every time.
Two posts in one day! I impress myself! (Okay, so maybe I tried to post the last one yesterday and it didn’t go through. Just imagine that I wrote more than two thousand words for you all today alone.)
As promised in my last post, “Dear John” is about to get its very own installment. I would like to start by clarifying that I only went to see this movie to be a good friend. (Note to self: check what movies are playing before you let your friend choose what movie you’ll go to.) The pick? Yes, Dear John. Possibly the worst part of it was that she had already watched the film a few days before and loved it so much that she ended up seeing it in theatres again…and again. That’s right, three times. (I’ve always been confused by our friendship, but hey, if it’s lasted this long…I guess “Dear John” shouldn’t kill it.)
I know what you’re thinking—The Notebook wasn’t all that bad, and this is by the same author, right? So it can’t be much worse, right?
Wrong.
Oh, how wrong. For one hour and forty-eight minutes I sat scrunched down as far as possible into my seat, a look of horror paste across my face when I wasn’t exchanged looks of disdain and disbelief with another friend. There I was, sitting between a girl who adores the movie and girl who wasn’t thrilled by it (but watched with rapt interest anyway, for the sake of Channing Tatum), feeling nearly two hours of my drain away.
I’ll admit it: I watch some pretty stupid/corny/idiotic movies, and I like them. I redeem myself by liking films like Ocean’s Twelve and Master and Commander, but I do it. I, too had a phase where I thought that “She’s the Man” was a great chick flick. In a rare, tell-all moment, I’m about to reveal to you an almost secret in this area: …IWATCHDISNEYSHOWSSOMETIMESLIKESONNYWITHACHANCE. *ahem*
Basically, I sympathize with stupid movies and TV shows. This movie, however, was just…past anything forgivable. (I really hope that none of you like it, because my blog is too young to annoy people in large doses at this point.) Is it just me, or is Amanda Seyfried a terrible actress? I’m not even going to start on Channing Tatum.
Okay, yes, yes I am going to start on Tatum. He is horrible. He’s a horrible actor that gets type casted for a reason—he cannot act. I’ve been dragged to a lot of stupid movies over the years. This has been more frequent since my brother got his license, so I’ve seen shows like Avatar (twice. He made me watch it TWICE.), G.I. Joe (if it’s possible, this was a bigger waste of time than D.J.), and the latest Terminator film (sorry, but Christian Bale and Bryce Dallas Howard didn’t get enough screen time to justify that film). I’ve watched a lot of crap, but I think I’m more willing to forgive guy crap than girl crap. Guys go to the movies to see explosions (you have a guy? Ask him to watch Terminator with you. It’s basically all explosions, and he’ll think that you are the best girlfriend ever. I suggest you discreetly bring a book along, but that’s your call). Girls go for…well, I’m not sure what most girls go for. Apparently Channing Tatum; whatever floats your boat. (Personally, there are only a few actors who have my loyalty like that; if Paul Bettany has been in a film, I can probably tell you quite a bit about it if I haven’t watched it myself. I’ll follow Russell Crowe because his acting knocks my socks off. I’ve loved Colin Firth’s work since Pride and Prejudice. I sat through Brother’s Grimm, one of the weirdest films I’ve ever watched, for Heath Ledger. I do understand this motivation.) (A note about the note: yes, I also will search films for Rommola Garai, Bryce Howard, Cate Blanchet, and Meryl Streep. Sometimes it really is about the acting, okay!?) All this to ask, how did Tatum ever get into acting? Did hell freeze over? I need to know!
(Spoiler alert! Ha, I make myself laugh some times. This movie is already spoiled!)
I’ll give the film this: it did have a plot twist. I mean, who would have thought that Savannah would end up with guy who played the father figure after her and John’s first “date”? Not me. (This brought on one of those disbelieving looks.) I mean, he’s pretty old, and he’s friends with her parents. Creepy much? I don’t usually discriminate against age, but when age means that the guy has a kid and cancer, I’m discriminating—big time. Pity marriage? You’re kidding, right? Unfortunately, no. Who wants a marriage where your spouse is just waiting for you to die? *chirping crickets* Yeah, I thought so. BUT HEY, of course, just like in The Notebook, despite all odds, Savannah and John meet up again, and they’re just as in love as ever (you, “as ever” meaning for the solid two weeks they knew each other). I was begging to choke on popcorn by the end of the film, which ends with them meeting at a café after Savannah’s husband is dead and she’s weighed down by his child. Nice.
The only good that came out this movie was that it gave me material to write the real “Dear John” letters back and forth with my semi-sensible friend (the one who was there to, ick, support Tatum—hence only semi-sensible). These are pretty morbid, so I won’t share any right now, but I have to say that they were inspired. Other than the letters, the film has given us a few new quotes: if anyone does something as simple as throwing out garbage, we quip in unison “wow, you threw out garbage! That’s impressive!”. We also like to chase down random guys and stare at them while we calmly announce “I want to meet your dad. NOW.” (Okay, so maybe we don’t do that, but we’ve considered it.)
So…thanks, “Dear John.” I guess. (Because I’m all Bella like that.)
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