Twilight, Alice, Bunnies and Enemies

Happy Day-after-Easter, everyone! I know that I was incredibly lazy this weekend, so now I’ll have to catch up on life online. Where to start? I’ll check the box for Friday. Basically, I finished off my work for the week, and then called up a chum to come over for some giggles and face-stuffing. She brought three movies along with her for our entertainment (I think we’ve gone through all of mine by now): The Blind Side, Twilight, and New Moon. I know, I know, you all just gasped. I associate with a Twilighter? It’s true, but in my defense, I’ve tried my utmost to convert her. I also had a devious plan (not really) that I’ll mention later. I had expected The Blind Side to be all weepy and sappy, but I laughed more than anything. Granted, this could have been because when we reached the first football game of the film my dad goes “Oh no, this is where he goes blind, right?!” Let’s just say that it took us a long time to stop laughing after that. Blind SIDE, not blind GUY. Where he picked up that Big Mike goes blind, I’ll never know.

Twilight. Yes, I watched both films. Yes, I talked through the entire thing. Yes, I hated them. YES, I DID film my reactions! My goodness, those films were bad. I would normally apologize to any of you who enjoyed them, but I can’t today. Instead, I’ll ask you a question: what ever do you SEE in them? The dialogue is forced and awkward (“Say something to keep my mind off of them!” “um…well, you should put your seatbelt on.” “HAHAHAHAHA!” WTH IS SO FUNNY?) (…Sorry, that just confuses me. A lot.), the plot is weak and buggy (Alice, what ARE your powers? Couldn’t you tell Bella was alive? Couldn’t you see that she would be in the room with you? Or running to Edward? ARG!), and the characters are brats (paraphrasing: Oh my GOSH! Why did you save me, you big jerk? Why can you run so fast? You shouldn’t be able to DO that! Angst, angst angst!). Needless to say, my commentary is full of raised eyebrows, questions, scoffs and hurling insults. I eventually started to keep a tally of any compliments I made to the film. I could keep it on one hand. (Edward has a snazzy blazer on. He has a cool car, too, but that’s negated by the fact that they’re MOM cars. Um…Jacob looks better with short hair. There. Three.)Oh, and did anyone else notice that the Cullen clan seemed to have a monkey-pet-name fetish? Bella is Edward's Spider monkey (and something else "monkey" too, I think), and then either Alice or Rosalie calls their significant other a monkey as well. Is this a vampire thing? WHAT IS UP WITH THAT?!

On Saturday, I headed to the theatre with a plan to watch Clash of the Titans, but then realized that Alice in Wonderland was still in, so I got a ticket for it instead. Good choice. It was a little like I had been sniffing the Sharpies too long, but the costumes were FANTASTIC. I can’t gush enough about them. In fact, they were pretty much what pushed me into watching the film, since as a child, the book and the old movie versions freaked me out in a big way (which wasn’t helped when I read a few years ago that Carroll was a pedophile). Then there was my affection for Johnny Depp, because he’s such a fabulous actor. I’d love to say the same for Helena, but she just sort of freaks me out, to be honest. Anyway, I really did enjoy the film, despite the extreme sense of the surreal. I suppose that’s really part of its endearing feature. Mia Wasikowska impressed me, as well—she’s on my To-Watch list. Overall, the film was filled with excellent actors who did justice to their roles (never has the Mad Hatter had more depth), wonky settings, and an interesting plot, if not unexpected. This wasn’t your childhood Alice, and I liked it that way.

I think the bunny is pretty self-explanatory. There’s now enough chocolate to kill a herd of cattle in my house, so I’m sure to gain a few by next week since I have zero powers of resistance to the horribly lovely stuff. I spent at least a portion of the day sitting on a blanket under the sun reading “The Handmaid’s Tale,” so the day was pretty fantastic for me. I also watched the majority of “Public Enemies,” and it was quite a ride. Honestly, how can a film go wrong that has Johnny Depp, Christian Bale and Carey Mulligan (even if she doesn’t really have much of a part)? Even if I haven’t watched the end, I think I should be able to highly recommend it to anyone who isn’t squeamish at blood and violence (unlike in Twilight, no one’s head is ripped off at unexpected moments, I promise).

(I just realized that the photos didn't shrink to size like they were supposed to, but since they're off the web, you can click on them to view the whole photo.)